Self Help + Jammy Treats

The Way of Integrity + Raspberry Oat Bars

The year is more than half over. Time has sped up, somehow, and I’m grateful for summer’s languid, lengthy days to help me stretch the hours. Over the 4th, I escaped LA for Sea Ranch, one of my favorite places in the world and one which I continue to return to for solace, nature immersion and deeper connection with myself. Below, the book I took with me, plus a sweet treat for summer gatherings. 

Read

The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck, pub. 2021
Buy: Bookshop.org or your local bookshop (I wouldn’t recommend buying this one used; there are several writing exercises to complete within the book!)

Books, like relationships, are all about timing. Over the years I’ve picked up many books and put them down, only to connect with them again, years later, exactly when I seem to need them. I wanted to read something in Sea Ranch that allowed / forced me to go deep. I so easily get lost in the world of fiction, temporarily forgetting that some of my favorite books are those that have made me a better person via simple, potent life lessons (see: The Four Agreements, Undefended Love, Man’s Search for Meaning). 

My friend Tessa gifted me The Way of Integrity for my birthday. There it sat on my shelf, its yellow spine beckoning…for three years. ‘It’s too much to get into,’ I thought. ‘I don’t have the patience to look inward,’ I grumbled. ‘I prefer an escape,’ I bluffed. I resisted, until I didn’t / couldn’t, and felt pulled toward the golden spine with an openness and keenness to know what was inside. That, my friends, is one of the most beautiful things about a book. If you listen you can heed its call at the perfect moment. 

So-called self-help books can be alienating. So many are poorly written, cheesy, or promise quick fixes. This book might be mildly cheesy (Liz Gilbert is a fan) but it has a guiding principle so basic and beautiful that I found it impossible to put down: If you stop lying (first to yourself, then to others) you will be free. Lies come in many forms, from (seemingly) benign (‘How are you?’ ‘Doing great!’) to mundane (‘Are you sure that chair is comfortable enough for you?’ ‘Oh yes!’) to inwardly harmful (‘I work on vacation because my business will collapse without me’) to outwardly hurtful (‘You’re single because you aren’t trying hard enough’). White lies might feel small, but Beck argues they’re a microcosm of a larger inability to live in alignment and in your highest level of integrity. 

Most of us lie on a daily basis, even if we don’t actively realize it, simply by blindly accepting and living in response to a bevy of cultural standards and expectations rather than by tuning into what we actually believe and desire. We can spend years in a career that doesn’t jive with our inner passion because we’re told we have to follow a certain path; stay in a religious sect due to fear of ostracization; accept abuse because we believe we aren’t deserving enough of something better. Every one of these choices, Beck argues, brings us further away from living a life of peace. The way toward peace? Start dismantling your beliefs by approaching every day with radical honesty, starting with tiny instances (‘Actually, I’m having a shitty day and am feeling kind of bad about myself’) that will act as catalysts for more courageous displays (‘I’m quitting my day job to write full-time’). 

Throughout the book is a series of thought-provoking exercises that help you start to see the instances in your life where you’re not being fully honest with yourself. The exercises are short but powerful and I had so many moments of epiphany throughout. It’s not just about self-betterment, though; it’s about the betterment of the world at large, and how one person’s turn toward honesty can result in a wave of change across a group of friends on a small scale, and society on a large scale. Beck makes her point by taking you through exercises that challenge responses of self-righteousness and violence by replacing them with acts of creativity, which I found to be such a beautiful lesson (and one the world needs more than ever at this moment!). She also helps reframe situations where you feel you’ve been treated badly and flips the script, probing you to question whether, in fact, deep inside you may believe the very criticisms you’re being bullied by. In her words, ‘[T]o accept your own mistreatment is to participate in a lie.’ Cue mic drop. Are you kidding me?! 

I’ve already recommended this one to friends and family; I hope you buy it and read it at a time when it aligns for you.

EAT

While we’re living in integrity, we must eat with integrity! I’ve said in the past I’m not really a dessert person (with a few exceptions). But summer fruit plus multiple gatherings equals an opportunity to feed a crowd a feel-good treat. This one started with two baskets of gorgeous raspberries from the farmers market and a dip into Tartine All Day, where I was inspired to make jam bars. I threw together some quick chia jam (it takes 20 mins and the recipe is below), made a few recipe tweaks and was off to the races. The result — just-sweet-enough bars that are vegan, gluten-free and screaming to be served with ice cream — is very, very good. And that’s the God’s honest truth.

Raspberry Jam Bars
Makes roughly 12 bars (aka 1 8x8 baking pan)

Raspberry Chia Jam
Makes 1 jam bar recipe’s worth

2 baskets fresh raspberries (or 1½ cups frozen)
Juice from ½ lemon
1½ tablespoons chia seeds

In a stainless steel saucepan on medium-high heat, add the raspberries and lemon juice. Cook the raspberries down until they collapse and start smelling wonderful, stirring a few times, about 10 minutes. Add the chia seeds, stir well and continue simmering for another 10 minutes. Stick the pan in the fridge to cool down while you make the dough. 

Jam Bar Dough

½ cup coconut oil, melted
⅓ cup tahini
3 tablespoons maple syrup
1½ cups rolled oats (I used GF)
1 cup oat flour (just whizz oats in your blender / food processor)
1 cup almond flour
½ cup almonds, chopped
6 tablespoons coconut sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon Kosher salt
¼ teaspoon ground cardamom
Raspberry Chia Jam (you can also obviously use store-bought!)

Preheat your oven to 350F and line an 8x8 baking tin with parchment. In a large bowl, mix the coconut oil, tahini and maple syrup and stir well. Then add the rest of the ingredients, excluding the jam, and mix until everything comes together. Using your hands, press about ⅔ of the mixture into the bottom of the pan, making sure it’s packed tightly. Grab the jam from the fridge and gently spread it on top of the bar mixture. Then sprinkle the rest of the bar mixture over the top. I baked these for 43 minutes exactly and they were perfect; they’d probably be good at 45, too. Let cool completely before you cut them into squares.